Definate Change In Me!
I notice change in the little things. The things that use to bother me and cause major friction now just roll off my shoulders. I realize that other peoples ignorance isn't anything I need to concern myself with.
This weekend, my mother made a few comments that show that she thinks I'm inept. But that's okay - that's her way of making herself feel better. She has long put me down because I'm not what she thinks I should be. And that's okay - that part has always been okay with me. In that regard, its about her...not me.
The situation was that she picked up some forms from the kids' school to fillout. She proceeded to tell me how to fill them out, as if I don't know how to read or write or haven't provided registration information to the school. I just told her that I would handle it and thanked her for picking up the forms.
Then again, yesterday, came comments about how well behaved my son was when he was at her house and then she added.... "I know that he's not always like that when you're around but he was such an angel!"
Well, I'd like to say, for the record, that MOST of the time, my son is very jovial, friendly, and well mannered. He is Three, so there are times he's difficult. I guess her perception of events at my house is that he's hard to handle and not well mannered. That's too bad she feels that way because that couldn't be further from the truth.
I keep my distance from my mother with thest kind of comments while probably good intentions, can be hurtful and serve no purpose to me other than to demean me or upset me.
The point of this post is the change in me. While I can't say her comments don't bother me, I can say that I don't react or let it bother me so much that I can't stop the thought process of what she said to me. I'm really proud of my accomplishments this past year. I really had to go through hell to get to where I'm at but I will say, it was worth it.
What I still graple with is the guilt that I have of putting my children through hell. I honestly do love them and want good things for them. I get angry at myself, even today, for not having the courage or strength to leave abusive relationships sooner or to get up and get a higher paying job. I will say however that I won't ever have to go back and give much care or concern to what other people think or feel. If "I" concern myself with my children and myself, then "WE" will be better off!
This weekend, my mother made a few comments that show that she thinks I'm inept. But that's okay - that's her way of making herself feel better. She has long put me down because I'm not what she thinks I should be. And that's okay - that part has always been okay with me. In that regard, its about her...not me.
The situation was that she picked up some forms from the kids' school to fillout. She proceeded to tell me how to fill them out, as if I don't know how to read or write or haven't provided registration information to the school. I just told her that I would handle it and thanked her for picking up the forms.
Then again, yesterday, came comments about how well behaved my son was when he was at her house and then she added.... "I know that he's not always like that when you're around but he was such an angel!"
Well, I'd like to say, for the record, that MOST of the time, my son is very jovial, friendly, and well mannered. He is Three, so there are times he's difficult. I guess her perception of events at my house is that he's hard to handle and not well mannered. That's too bad she feels that way because that couldn't be further from the truth.
I keep my distance from my mother with thest kind of comments while probably good intentions, can be hurtful and serve no purpose to me other than to demean me or upset me.
The point of this post is the change in me. While I can't say her comments don't bother me, I can say that I don't react or let it bother me so much that I can't stop the thought process of what she said to me. I'm really proud of my accomplishments this past year. I really had to go through hell to get to where I'm at but I will say, it was worth it.
What I still graple with is the guilt that I have of putting my children through hell. I honestly do love them and want good things for them. I get angry at myself, even today, for not having the courage or strength to leave abusive relationships sooner or to get up and get a higher paying job. I will say however that I won't ever have to go back and give much care or concern to what other people think or feel. If "I" concern myself with my children and myself, then "WE" will be better off!
posted by Mom of Two Cubs | 12:15 PM
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