Umm....NO!!!!!

Sooooooooo,

My ex calls. My son's father. We start talking and he asks about how to fill out his W2 form and should he put "married!" At first I said yes because technically, or legally speaking, we are still married. However, we are NOT in any sense of the word other than legally.

Anyway, I then retract my statement and tell him he can put whatever he wants on the form, and that its when he files his TAXES that he needs to be accurate. Then he askes if we will be married when we file next year and I told him that it all depended on whether I could afford a divorce.

Then we start talking about that and he has the gall to ask me if we are done?!?!? Ummm....HELLLOOOOOOO!!!! I told him "what, do you think I'm going to move you back in?!?" Then he adds "well I do love you and you are in my heart and I am having a hard time moving on.!"

I replied with "Well, when you are ready, you will move on!"

Then he says to me "well, i've moved on in the sense that I'm having sex with someone else, but you have my heart *insert my name*."

I kind of chuckled then added "well, you'll figure it out in time I guess."

What I really wanted to say was "what's her name and number so I can call and warn her!" Or better yet "Poor Girl!"

But I just had the conversation, gave no reaction to the "news" which really deserves none and I hung up proud that I'm out of the relationship emotionally.

So, will I take him back? The answer is.....Umm....NO!!!!!

Pure Enjoyment

I cannot believe the level of happiness I have acheived in the last year. Its unbecoming of me to feel peace in my life. I have zero stress...well that's a lie, I still stress about money. The good thing is that payday comes and I have the ability to pay my bills. Before I was always so short that I couldn't possibly ever catch up. These days, its just not like that!

I spend the weekend with the kids, paying bills, shopping and cleaning the house. When I get home I have 3 things to do. Put clothes away, pick up stuffed animals and feed the kids. I don't have monumental tasks to complete. What I have to do, there is an end in site. That is another indicator at how "together" I have it.

Its so strange!

The SW came to visit last week and everything went well. I caught her eyeballing the bruises on my son's legs. The normal, three year old shin bruises. They look horrible and for a moment I felt guilty, but then I realized that I don't need to be and the thought left my mind. She really liked out new place. She was very happy with everything and we agreed to meet next month sometime.

My son's father has been calling more and more and my son seems to be handling the reintroduction well. Their next visit is this weekend.

As for my daugther's dad, there is alot of "drama" on that side of the family. I recently have taken a stand and done things I never dreamed possible. I was able to tell someone how I felt knowing full well it would hurt their feelings. I did it not to hurt them, but to convey the level of uncomfort I have in a couple areas concerning my daughter and her paternal grandmother. Her father seems depressed and has been gambling. I don't feel bad for him. His life is what he makes of it and he's chosen to view himself in recovery but yet he has this very bad habit. As long as the child support rolls in, what he does with his life is his own choice and none of my business. When child support is interrupted, it is still not my business and I'm now at a point in my life where if it doesn't come, we will be okay. This I know. THAT is a miracle.

Settling In!

We moved recently and we love our new place. We live on a hiking trail and walking distance than more things I could possibly ever list. I'm so happy. Life is wonderful and I'm so excited about everything. I can't get over the transformation of my entire being from even just a year ago.

I feel like I am thriving. Like my children are thriving. They know that when I say something that I mean it. The days of empty promises are over. We laugh and spend more time doing things that they like to do. It's really very cool to have the feeling of impending doom behind me..

Today, I was at work and this feeling came over me and I began to think about my daughter and all the things she loves to do. I felt calm and pride and the warmest feeling. I realized, again, how truly blessed I really am. When I feel that, I also feel guilt but I also know that I don't have to continue to feel guilty or wish things were different. They ARE different!

Life is Great!

Dad visits with Son

My son met with his father for the first time not long ago and has had three visits since. He left there in a good mood and was very happy to have seen his dad. I felt okay about the whole thing but am approaching this with caution.

I received $130 in Child Support, cash, handed to me over the weekend. This shows his willingness to help - as I knew he would if he had it. That's how he is. But the problem is that its never consistant, and it just needs to be!

We met with the SW to talk about his visitation schedule. It will be the 1st and 3rd Monday of each month, from 4pm to 6pm with the SW picking up my son at daycare and dropping him off for the visit. I will them pick him up just before 6. During the meeting, my son's father asked if he could call and I said I would allow phone calls. I want to encourage this relationship and not discourage it.

The problem is knowing when enough is enough.