My Children

I haven't spoken of their names or posted a picture of their faces. At this point, I'm not comfortable doing so mainly because I need my anonymity during this process.

This weekend, however, I took a special and meaningful picture, though a manufactured kodak moment of my children. I doctored the photo up in Photo Shop for digital scrapbooking is a hobby of mine. I asked them to sit in this position because it reminds me of a photograph I hang in my Living Room.

I have a boy and a girl. One brown hair and green eyes, one blond haired with brown eyes. One has very olive skin and the other very fair. While they are so different in personality, they hold equal facination and adoration in my heart! I'm most richly blessed.

Weekend at the Zoo!

I spent a really great weekend with my kids.

My daughter had just returned home from camping with my mom and after I picked her up, we cut her hair, went to dinner and then a movie. We came home, went to bed, awoke on Saturday and decided to head to the Zoo. We had an awesome time. We saw so many animals, many of them very close and free of obstruction of fences, etc.

Then we head into another tourist area of the city, where we walked around, ate dinner, watched a street show and cruised the shops.

My daughter thanked me for the great time, saying that she had a wonderful time and was really happy to be home! My son, equally appreciative, informed me I was a nice mommy because I let them see the animals and buy them as much candy as they wanted.

Lastnight, we spent time brushing their teeth!!!

Uhhh Ohhhhh

I got a call today from my old apartment manager. Apparently my probation officer was looking for me. I didn't go into their office to update my address but I have left now 2 message and even sent a letter to my old probation officer with my new address.

Regardless, I am stressed about it. I'm sure nothing will come of it, but what if something does? I could go in violation. I did afterall sign something that said I would notify them in writing when I moved. And I did, I just didn't "physically" go down there.

About 4-6 months ago they told me I couldn't report personally and I had to make arrangements with my PO in order to report. So each month, on the 1st, I leave her messages, which always go unreturned.

I have myself all freaked out for 2 reasons. I feel like if it wasn't a big deal, she would have called my old number and then go the referral to the new number and reached me that way. But NO, she took time out of her day to come hunt me down and I wasn't there.

I have prayed about it. I know that I haven't done anything wrong and that I continue to test clean, I continue to obey the laws, I am doing the best I've ever done and so there's nothing they can hold over me. I still have that negative self talk, which most the time doesn't affect me. But at times it does. And when my freedom and all I've worked for could be torn down, I grow concerned.

So tomorrow the plan is to go report, change my address and drop off a letter. Then next week, I will make a huge attempt to get her on the phone to ensure that I'm in the clear!

Till then, I'll just continue stressing about it!

Celebrating a Birthday, The Right Way!!!!

Today was my son's 4th birthday. We started celebrating lastnight and I was able, not really for the first time, but the first time in 2 years to really go all out. Basically, the first year, we had a huge party. The second year I was depressed and we didn't have a celebration other than a small dinner at my mom's house. Last year they were living with my mother and I was coming off of a relapse and was allowed only 2 hours with him. That is a birthday I will never ever forget.

This year, our immediate family and some friends met us out at Chuck E Cheese for dinner and play time. My son was showered in gifts. Each of them he just absolutely adored. I got him a Costume and he was on cloud nine!!!

Today, I took him (my daughter is travelling with my mom today) and we went to Breakfast. Then he had a visit with his father. After the visit, I agreed to meet his dad and aunt and cousin at the park where he got showered in more gifts, cupcakes and icecream.

I purchased him a bike and he loves it.

I feel really good about our day thus far. Its not a big extravaganza with his preschool friends and parents that I don't know. He is contently playing in the other room with his GI JOE toys, his Spiderman Toys and all the other things he was given.

He's really happy today. And that means I'm doing something right!

Status Quo

Everything is trudging along nicely. I must say that its really odd to come here and want to update but have not alot to say. I can recall a time that I could fill journal pages with nothing but negativity and drama and today, I just can't think of anything that's remotely negative.

I also don't want to come here and act as if life is so great that I've landed on a pink cloud, never to come down.

The reality is that life is life. I have great moments and I have not so great moments. The strange thing, for me, is that the great outweighs the not so great.

The not so great things in my life are my oil leaking car, weight, my sometimes lack of money, and my sometimes unmotivation to do "stuff!"

The great things in my life are my children, my relationship with my mom, my increasing income, my awesome new place, and my self esteem and positive self image.

I really can't complain and part of me feels like there should be something wrong and negative to write about. But it just isn't on the forefront of my thoughts.

As for the kids....my daughter will begin 3rd grade in the Fall and my son will go to Pre K but he will be there 2 years because of his age. His birthday is next week and he's going to be 4. He's an awesome kid, as is my daughter, and I am truly bless. I knew I was blessed when I was deeply disturbed and depressed. I knew it...I just couldn't freely enjoy it because I was locked in a world of mental illness and drug addiction.

Those days are long over! I no longer have to fake it to make it. I actually do it and I exceed my wildest dreams!