I got a notice from the Courts today.

It said

"SW is recommending dismissal of case with custody orders. Physical Custody to the Mother. Joint Legal for Mother and Father of (insert Daughter's name). Legal for Mother of (insert Son's name!"


OMG! I'm almost done. I have about 18 more days and then this will be behind me. HOLY FUCK!!!

8 Months Later!!!! ~~~~ Surviving CPS: 02-24-05 My Children Return Home

Surviving CPS: 02-24-05 My Children Return Home

It's been 8 months to the day since my children returned home.

It seems like yesterday they were taken from my custody and an eternity that I lived without them. What a miracle I have become. I stand before the world on the verge of a case dismissal, knowing that this experience did for me what I couldn't do for myself.

I am a fucking survivor and my kids are my purpose and my inspiration. When I am with them, I love them. I genuinely LOVE them. I'm "IN" Love with them. They are amazing and they are who they are because of me. I am the goodness in their life now. And I appreciate them. The little things. The littlest things, I appreciate.

I don't really keep track of how long they have been home. I just have this ticker on the blog that said it was 8 months and I realized it was 8 months to the day. Well in 24 days, this ordeal will be over and as my book and blog title echo, I will have survived CPS!

SW Calls!

I spoke with my SW today about my ex and I got a comforting feeling that the court hearing will proceed. She is looking into what no legal custody means for him and I just told her that she cannot award him anything that gives him a right to decide my son's fate. For one, he can't control himself and be responsible to him and he's never shown responsibility to John. I cannot count on him to make reponsible decisions for our son. We even discussed terminating his parental rights, but that's nothing she will recommend. That would be better served in another court.

She is going to be ordering his police report. Story has it that on Thursday, he got loaded and didn't show up for work on Friday. His brother covered for him at work, citing a traffic accident. Well, he did hit someones car, and ran. FELONY only the didn't get caught. Too bad! The brother gave my ex his check Friday night and it was obvious that he had been using (according to the sister).

He was arrested sometime on Saturday morning. The brother drove around looking for his car. Apparently the police said that they would move the car out of an apartment complex to the street. But the brother couldn't find the car. What I find as odd is every time he's arrested, he's not IN the car. How is that? What the fuck is he doing OUT of the car?

I ran all of this down to the SW and I'm sure that everything I've said will be in the police report. I hammered in that I'm happy, grateful, doing well and ready for this to be over. She has 100% confidence in me and knows I will do right by my son.

I hope to be done with this case in a little over three week!

Then I can finish my book and get onto the next chapter in my life!

Dear Dad

Dear Dad:

Where were you on Saturday? Mom said that we had a visit scheduled. I was so excited. I got up, got ready. I even took a shower!!! Fixed my hair and packed a little bag of toys that we were going to play together.

We waited and waited. Mom always arrives early. She doesn't want me to be late to see you because I only get so much time. I don't know how long we were there. It seemed like forever. We were the first to arrive. Then the room got full. Other parents came to get their kids. Other kids arrived and they were taken inside. I didn't understand why I wasn't being called into the back.

Mom called on some phone and asked if you were there. You hadn't arrived. So I just kept playing. Some more time went by and mom called again. She hung up the phone and stood up. I wasn't ready to go. I hadn't seen my dad yet! She told me that we had to go, that you weren't able to make the visit. What was she talking about? Doesn't she know that I brought toys to play with? How come she's being mean and taking me home without getting to see you?

She had to practically drag me to the car. I started crying for my daddy. I was told I was going to see you today, Dad, but now it looked like we were going home. Mom got a bit angry at me because I wouldn't get off the ground. She didn't like that I told her "NO FAIR!" and refused to stand up or uncross my arms. I mean, who elses fault would it be, dad, if I don't get to see you?

We got in the car and mom started driving. She tried to tell me that you were working. But I know you weren't because we had a visit scheduled. And you would have called if you had to work. Mom must be the one that is wrong Dad, because I know you wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see you.

Mom drove around for awhile and then we went to breakfast. I began to feel a little bit better so I stopped crying and tried to make a day out of it.

Now that a few days have gone by, I wonder why you haven't called or why I didn't get to visit with you? What was more important than seeing me Dad?

Arrested

Should be no suprise.

Really, it's not.

I woke up today and called the County Jail and it was no suprise that he was there. I kind of chuckled. It was afterall, so sad it was funny!

I have updated the SW to his "status" and I am asking that he receive ZERO visitation - that it be at my discretion.

While I have enjoyed the child support I've been getting, I can't count on it or him. He's just a waste of flesh and I will not be calling him or talking to him. I have rinsed my hands of him. He no longer exists!

It's Official!

I decided to call my ex today to see if maybe he'd answer. I had no intentions of calling him, was just more curious to see if he'd answer. Well, no suprise, he didn't. But what caught me as funny was the fact that his Voicemail was FULL which can only mean that someone was missing him and called him repeatedly. When we were together, I would fill his voicemail with about 20 messages. So he's got someone, probably a girlfriend, whom he was suppose to see and bailed on her. I got a sick sense of gratitude because I wasn't worried. I got sleep. I went about my day. I feel good about that because BEFORE, that wasn't the case.

I look forward to tomorrow to speak to my SW to see what the next step is. First, I just want this to be DONE but I also want to ensure that what he leaves this case with is absolutely nothing!

Child Custody and Visitation: More Topics

Child Custody and Visitation: More Topics - Findlaw for the Public -

Law on Divorce and Child Custody - California

Law on Divorce and Child Custody - California - Findlaw for the Public -

Checklist: Grounds for Terminating Parental Rights

Checklist: Grounds for Terminating Parental Rights - Findlaw for the Public -

Grounds for Involuntary Termination of Parental Rights

Statute-at-a-Glance: Grounds for Involuntary Termination of Parental Rights

AWOL

My poor poor son.

Today, his father had a visit. And he knew about it because I called him last night to "remind" him that its a visit weekend. He gets 2 hours every other week. If he misses a visit, he could go a month without seeing our son. I wouldn't EVER miss a visit. He's missed two now. Last week he claims flu. This week, he just didn't show up.

I sat at the Clover House for 40 minutes. I always arrive on time; early for that matter. We waited and at about 10 minutes after 11, I called in to ask them if my son's father had arrived. He had not. I was told the visit was cancelled after 20 minutes. At exactly 20 minutes, I called again and he still was not there so we left.

My son didn't understand what was happening or why he didn't get to see his father. He was genuinely crushed and I got the nastiest and sickest feeling in my gut. I called his dad and of course I got the answering machine. I said "it's one thing to keep me waiting, but you kept your son waiting - that's FUCKED UP!!!" and I hung up.

I then called our SW to inform her of the missed visit.

I'm going to now call the jail to see if he's been arrested.

I will be asking now that all visits be terminated and that he not be ordered any kind of supervised visitation. I want any visitation to be at my discretion!

FUCK HIM!!!!


ps....I knew it was coming. Aside from him moving out of the SLE, he has classes for the union he's in and he always goes out around school or right when he moves. He's so fucking predictable!

Contacted SW on 10/18

I love having this blog. It really allows me to keep track of things that happen throughout the case otherwise I would never ever be able to remember!

Anyway, I contacted my SW yesterday in email and CC'd my attorney. I expressed my concern at her lack of contact with me as my case winds down. I kind of hammered home that I'm taking the day off of work and that I expect the hearing to move forward and not be delayed because she didn't prepare her fucking reports.

Sore Subject I know, but she's done this 3-5 times already in the course of 19 months and I don't want to go a day longer since she's told me she's recommending dismissal of my case!

So far, I have not heard from her. I will post and update when I have heard back!!

A Crush

I had a childhood crush enter my life. I have told him about everything except THIS experience. I feel so ashamed of myself for what I had become...yet so proud of where I am today.

I'm uncertain what the future will hold but whatever it is, I will cherish this time getting to know a crush from my past.

I feel that I'm almost ready to entertain a relationship with a man yet I'm having a hard time accepting kind words and attention directed my way. I was bored lastnight and on a dating website looking at pictures and I found no men attractive. And I'm not Gay either! So I wonder at times what is wrong with me and if I ever will be in love again.

My crush is as close as I've come to love in quite awhile. The last guy I "loved" isn't available to me because of trouble he found himself in. I find the winners don't I? This crush of mine is ending a relationship with someone (or so he says) but she's around and I can't comfortably call. And when I haven't heard from him, I know that its because of here. Three days have gone by where we haven't spoken more than about 2 minutes. We had been spending hours and hours on the phone. That's okay, only I changed my LD Plan, I think I will change it back. If after a few months, things are looking more serious, I will invest in a higher plan.

Till then, I need to go back to being with myself. Enjoying my kids. Not wondering about my future sex/love life and just being ME!

Minor Update

My ex missed his visit with our son. My gut told me he was loaded but I forced him into giving me child support now and not later and I came to believe my suspicions were wrong.

I still have not heard from our SW regarding our hearing in about 5 weeks. I will contact her 3 weeks before the hearing and cc my lawyer to ensure that she has the information processed and filed so that there are no continances. I want to be DONE with this and its a matter of time.

I was reunited with a long lost friend. He lives 6 hours away but we have spoken on the phone daily for hours and hours at a time. I don't know what to make of it. I am going to just kind of wait to see what pans out.

I'm am on fire at work. I'm selling over 1 million a month and my income could double!

I'm fucking happy!!!!

Oh, and I'm losing weight. 12 pounds down and so many more to go!!!!

The Dispatch

The Dispatch

MPR: Methamphetamine use driving an increase in foster care

I'm book marking this because I relate this this sentance


She's grateful they intervened and says it saved her life.