A Crush

I had a childhood crush enter my life. I have told him about everything except THIS experience. I feel so ashamed of myself for what I had become...yet so proud of where I am today.

I'm uncertain what the future will hold but whatever it is, I will cherish this time getting to know a crush from my past.

I feel that I'm almost ready to entertain a relationship with a man yet I'm having a hard time accepting kind words and attention directed my way. I was bored lastnight and on a dating website looking at pictures and I found no men attractive. And I'm not Gay either! So I wonder at times what is wrong with me and if I ever will be in love again.

My crush is as close as I've come to love in quite awhile. The last guy I "loved" isn't available to me because of trouble he found himself in. I find the winners don't I? This crush of mine is ending a relationship with someone (or so he says) but she's around and I can't comfortably call. And when I haven't heard from him, I know that its because of here. Three days have gone by where we haven't spoken more than about 2 minutes. We had been spending hours and hours on the phone. That's okay, only I changed my LD Plan, I think I will change it back. If after a few months, things are looking more serious, I will invest in a higher plan.

Till then, I need to go back to being with myself. Enjoying my kids. Not wondering about my future sex/love life and just being ME!