Another Phone Call

My ex called twice this morning.

The first message was just telling me that he was sending me pictures of my son from his birthday with his cousin and aunt (which I already have!) and the medical insurance cards.

The second voicemail was about 20 minutes later and said:

"I just wanted tell you that I'm sorry I'm selfish and not thinking about (our son) as usual, justabout my feelings and me wanting to see him....so..sorry about that. I will see him when I see him. And thanks for, ya know, being a good mom and taking care of him!"


NO thanks necessary!!!!!!

He's out on the streets again.....

Well, not the streets but an SLE...more like a homeless shelter says his sister.

I'm speaking of my son's father...my stbx-husband...he IS my ex husband. I just have to finalize the divorce.

He has a cell phone.

He called.

I called him back

He asked how our son was...."MY SON IS FINE" i told him....I was short, and not overly friendly.

He called to say he has insurance cards. I told him to mail them.

He asked when he could see or talk to him...I said I didn't know.

I told him that he left his son waiting. He said he knew...he read it in the report...he sounded defensive. Maybe I made him feel like he had to defend his actions. How can you defend yourself when you are in that situation?

I wrote my lawyer to ask what the final papers will say for visitation. I want to make sure I follow the orders. If he gets nothing, I will suggest to him he petition the court....that I am a LONG way from taking time to go see him. My son is thriving without the interaction with his father. To see him again and be let down isn't something I'm willing to do to my son at this point in time.

As I told his sister...."its the same letter with a different date!" Its all the same. Using, incarceration, release.....using incarceration release.........using incarceration release.........using incarceration release.........using incarceration release.........using incarceration release.........using incarceration release.........using incarceration release.........using incarceration release.........using incarceration release....

And I'm in that cycle but I've stepped out. I won't do as I've done before....he now has to WORK to see his son. He has to petition the court and plead his case.

The Letter

Hey,

I just wanted to write a few things that I feel heavy on my heart.

I went to court yesterday and was ordered released into THU/SLE (on waiting list for bed space availability). I should be happy but I sit here sobbing like someone died or something. I cry out to God just to keep me. I don't want to hurt anybody anymore. I DON'T.

I ahd some pictures sent in of (our son) and I togeter at parks and some of us visiting. Each time I look at him I see what a loser I am. I've become my father.

As I was praying - crying to Jesus I was reminded that (our child) is His Child. Who am I to mistreat God's Child?

Looking back on all this and asking God for insight, He revealed things to me that I didn't quite understand. I was mad that He let me get married and have a child just for all this pain and misery to all.

He told me that I was looking for something to fix me and thought to myself that if I was married or had kids, I woudl never use.

So I selfishly proceeded to ruin many many lives. Trying to fill a hole so deep and dark that no amount of wordly influence could penetrate. Not wife. Not kids. Not job, car, house, $, ect. ect.

Only God. God's light!

But I wouldn't listen!!!! I was blinded and continued to choose darkness over goodness.

Anyway, I had no right to marry without having my addiction in check. I rushed in with promises I knew I could keep, only to watch the deveil laugh in my face as I broke every single promise made.

I wanted the American Dream. Now I realize I can't even enjoy a daydream.

So here I am aboutto step out into the big bad world again and swim or drown.

I'll be 42 on the 22nd, clean and sober 5 months.

Please search your heart for a visit. Any kind, anywhere, Please!!!

Anyway, if not I understand but I will be at SLE 4 months and you want 6 months after. That means somewhere around Xmas?? Imagine each day......I know, that's what I deserve.

About support. I will start back up next month. I asked for modification & it was granted. Don't worry about the $900 from October I gave you. YOu were waiting on a check. The real problem is my right side, shoulder, arm, chest, back has dwindled to nothing and surgery is a must. Each day I worked in Oct, I thought it would be my last because I couldn't do the tasks required. Thank God for welding certs, they kept me working. I'm hoping surgery will fix it, if not, let go let God.

Know this - I do want to support my son and as you have seen when I have it, I give it okay! I'm still going to see (training coordinator) to get reinstated and will do my best to go to work as I set up appointments. May have to go on state disability for a bit. Who knows.

And we need to pursue our divorce ASAP. Its a huge trigger. 100% you / 0% me (whatever the fuck THAT means???)

(The Judge) has made it clear that I have 7 open cases dating back to 2001, dancing on freeway, running around nude, drunk-spun, delirious, hearing and seeing things that don't exist all these things have been done while incoherant...gone. I am no danger clean and sober! I con't chase after trains or.....actuallyI'm a hard working descent person. They recognize all this and have seen way way way worse. He said my efforts show consistency for 8 months and probation has reported sincere willingness and determination that they recommend reinstatement. He also made it clear I can get one year on each 7 cases!!

In other words, go hang yourself...here's more rope!

If not, we will graduate and dismiss all 7 cases....GET IT RIGHT!

Anyway, I have goals set this year...finish school, get surgery, get divorce, and God Willing, see my son.

Thankyou for this last chance in his life (as if to think you actually fucking have one you presumptions fucking asshole!!!) He will have what I never did...his real dad around.

I understand about 6 months out of SLE and look forward to accomplishing recovery one day at a time (HURL!) You won't be sorry!! (riiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!)

God Bless

(signed: stupid irresponsible fucking dumbass stbx-husband's name!!!)

ps....thanks for listening. I know its hard, but we need some sort of communication for (our son). I miss my little man - sniff sniff - he remembers that!

pss....I'm sad. (His Sister) is leaving. She told me you went by there. I called her last night to let her know I'll be out w/in a week or two. Thank you for doing that. It was very thoughtful. We talked a lot and agreed that this is an opportunity of a lifetime to give my son something I never had. Don't throw it away forever (dude, it was thrown away a long time ago, I just gave you a couple more chances and you fucked those up - chances are OVER unless I have a piece of paper that says I have to let you see MY SON and so far, it's not arrived) We cried and she made me promise. Said to call her and she will drive 3 hours just don't get high. I promised I would (promised what? You would call or would get high???? :lol) and I miss her already. She's not gone yet.

Give (our son) hugs nad Kisses from dad (crossed out) Just hug him!

They are returning him to society!!!

Lastnight I got a letter from my stbx-husband...my son's father. The one that if you read thru my blog failed to reunify with our son and who has been in and out of jail since God knows when. About 2 weeks ago, after he sent a Christmas card after I told him not to write, coupled with the fact that when he's incarcerated, child support arrears stop, I decided to write his judge a letter asking them to give him a long program.

I toyed with this for awhile. In fact, the letter was written about 2 weeks before I actually mailed it. I needed to ensure that it was what I really wanted to do. Maybe I mailed it too late. Maybe the judge didn't get it. Maybe he did and didn't give a shit.

My stbx was given another THU. That's transitional housing but I don't know how that differs from an SLE...sober living environment. Regardless, in four months, he's done and if I understood him right, if he completes his SEVEN ACTIVE CASES OF PROBATION this time, he's done. If not, the judge could give him one year in prison for each probation violation. Yeah, we'll see! So far they haven't done shit. I keep saying that if he gets out and kills someone, whomever is survived will be billionairs if they sue this county because they keep basically slapping him on the wrist.

I don't get it. I mean I honestly DO NOT GET IT! But whatever, its not for me to get or even really care about. I've long moved past any feelings of adoration I had for this man. I simply want to be left alone.

When my case completed, I was told custody papers were going to be mailed. I contacted my lawyer about a week ago inquiring because I haven't seen them. She told me it could take 6 months before I'm sent the final order. That's fine with me. Because right now, I'm not "ordered" to give him anything which means he gets nothing. If the papers never ever arrive, so be it. I'm not going to push them along just so I have to then abide by him and give this man who is grossly perverted when on drugs the opportunity to just waltz back in....he had the audacity to think he'd get "ONE MORE" chance with his son. His chances are OVER. I'm not going to just run to his beckoncall and just because he's out a couple months give him what HE wants.

I'm just so fucking sick of being HERE. Ya know, the cusp of him getting out...knowing soon he'll start calling...start coming around. This time I may actually just fucking change my phone number. I'm just sick of it and I asked him in the letter I wrote to just GO AWAY and not come back till he "gets it!"

He obviously doesn't respect what I ask because he hasn't gone away...he still fucking exists and basically won't leave me alone. I'm not going to let it go this time. Till I have the court papers, he's not seeing our son. If he continues to call me when I ask him not to or he writes letters, I am going to change my phone# and refuse the next letter. In fact, I should have refused this one...but I guess that I'm just morbidly curious....

Parents Behaving Badly

Parents Behaving Badly

A new blog I found!

Husband and Wife Arrested for Leaving Kids Home Alone

Husband, wife arrested after leaving children in San Ramon

MANTECA, Calif. - A husband and wife who found a dog sitter for their new puppies, but left their 10-year-old son home to care for his younger autistic brother while they celebrated the new year in Las Vegas, were arrested Wednesday, police said.

Jacob Calero and his wife, Michelle De la Vega, left Calero's sons - Joshua, 10, and Jason, 5 - at their San Ramon home early Friday while the newlyweds headed out of town for a five-day trip, police said.

The children's mother, Cristina Calero, died of breast cancer in 2003 and Calero married De la Vega last year.

The maternal grandmother, Libbey Holden, said she called police after she suspected the couple had left the children behind.

"I had big concerns," Holden said Wednesday, sitting in her Manteca apartment filled with family pictures, including smiling portraits of her late daughter. "These kids are helpless."

Police said they found the children asleep in their beds Saturday night, a day after being left alone. A gas fireplace was turned on, but they found nothing out of the ordinary.

"It appears that the food and the environment were set up for them to be alone," San Ramon Police Sgt. Brian Kalinowski said.
The older boy said he was instructed to not answer the front door, so officers had to use a ladder to enter the home through an unlocked sliding glass door on a second-floor balcony.

Joshua said he and his brother ate cereal for breakfast and cooked frozen dinners in the microwave for lunch and dinner. He said his dad and stepmother left Friday morning while they were asleep. They had asked him to watch his younger brother, but didn't tell him where they were staying, he said.

"They shouldn't leave us alone," Joshua said, sitting in the living room of his grandmother's apartment. "I didn't know who I could call in an emergency. Even if I called my father, he's far away, so there wouldn't be much he could do."

Joshua said the couple got each other puppies for Christmas, and went so far as to bring the pug and the poodle-Maltese mix to De la Vega's mother before leaving town.

"I thought they loved them more than us," the boy said.
Holden said she tried calling Calero, but couldn't reach him. Worried, she consulted friends, and finally decided to call authorities.

Officers began calling Calero's cell phone Saturday, but he didn't call back until Tuesday.

They flew from Las Vegas early Wednesday and were arrested at Oakland International Airport and jailed in Contra Costa County.
The exact charges were not immediately clear. Authorities scheduled a late afternoon news conference.

Joshua said it wasn't the first time he and his brother were left home alone. Last fall, his dad and stepmother kept him out of school for a week so he could baby sit his brother while they went away.

Calero and De la Vega are both cosmetic dentists in Santa Clara.