No call yet!!!!

I told my STBX yesterday he could call tonight to speak to my son anytime after 7pm. The last time I told him that, the phone rang at exactly 7pm. Its 7:33pm and he has not called.

I find that unusual for sober behavior!

He sounded wierd!

My ex called after I left him 2 messages today and my son left Messages on Saturday and Sunday. He called back saying that he had been sick...sinus infection. He also said that his car broke down.

I asked about that last week....

His last car was impounded and alot of his stuff remains where he was living. The car he has now he said he paid $1000 down and is making payments on the remaining $4000. He said he wanted a reliable car and I laughed because he indicated his starter went out.

There was something very strange about the conversation. He was very hard to hear and he was trying to muster up coughs whenever I asked about how he was feeling. I generally believe that he's loaded but he must not be using rigs (needles) otherwise he would be "gone!" He also could be using something else...heroin. I don't know. I do care however because I feel I need to guard my son.

I need to guard my son? How fucked up is that? That just sounds soo fucking pathetic when it comes to guarding your child from their parent. But, it happened to me. My kids were guarded from me but I also put the situation into perspective and I overcame myself and life is TEN THOUSAND times better!

I still honestly believe he was loaded on the phone. I find it hard to believe a sinus infection would keep him away for three days from returning his son's call when he spoke to him the first time Wednesday after 4 full months of ZERO contact.

But, that's me thinking...who the fuck knows what rattles around inside his empty cage!

Its been a year!!!

WOW!

Friday was a year that my kids were returned home to my care. Darnit...I was home sick puking my guts out! I just realized this today!

WOW, a year! How awesome!!!!

Happy Year Home Kids! It's been an awesome year. We've done soo much fun stuff.....

Dragon Hunting
Witch Hunting
The aquarium
The Big City Museum and Tourist Areas
The Drive-In's & Movie Theaters
TONS of other stuff!!!!

What a great year its been!!!

Ex isn't returning son's calls

I don't know if it means anything, but after not speaking to his son for 4 months, if his son called, you'd think no matter what, he'd call right back!

Well, he hasn't returned a call that was made to him lastnight and again today.

Odd....but is it??

Makes me feel like he's in custody!!!

Pray for Katie

Pray for Katie

This is a really sad story about a family had CPS intervention because the family wanted other treatment alternatives for this girls cancer than their doctor was suggesting.

Heartbreaking!

Closer to losing the STBX-Husband verbage

My STBX-Husband has gone to someone to help with the divorce. I got some papers yesterday and he said I'm suppose to appear in court on April 19th. The papers didn't indicate a court date but I assure you, I will be at this hearing.

This saved me a grand! How bitching is that?

He called the other day to tell me this then went on about seeing our son. He said that he could fight this...as if he could win....when we go to court and it will just prolong everything. I laughed my ass off telling him there was no way I was giving him more than I was comfortable with and if he didn't like it....then take me to court. I'd be GLAD to tell my side.

He kept asking when he could see him and I just don't have the answer to that question. I told him he could talk to him on the phone but that I have grave concerns for my son's emotional well being should he come back in and get loaded and leave again. He doesn't seem to carry the same kind of concern that I hold. Big surprise. It's always been only about him.

So 3 days ago, I left him call and they talked on the phone for a few minutes. I'll try that for the next few weeks to see how that goes and after he's out about 2-3 months, then I'll allow one visit. But he will not be seeing him more than 1-2 hours a time and no more than 1-2 times a month. He will get exactly what he earned while the kids were in state's custody.

Poor DD

My daughter's dad is always busy. I've had the flu the last 2 days and she really wants to go to these horsebackriding lessons and he claims he has to work! I always wonder about crap like that and how true it is? He misses so much work then spends Saturday's at work and all I ever hear about is how broke he is!

Update on Daughter's Father

I need to give people names in my blog don't I. I have tried to maintain some level of confidentiallity. Maybe I will refer to them by their middle names? I don't know.

My daughter's dad called my mother last week asking to borrow money. He's done this a few other times and she always has said she would help him but this time he didn't. I can't say I don't blame her. He has a bad back but refuses to do anything about it so every few months it flares up and he's off work for a full week. I have to question whether it really is the back or an excuse or what his problem is.

He called the day of her birthday and said Hello to her. That was the extent of it. Didn't ask to see her, didn't get a gift, didn't even send a card. She notices but she is soo spoiled and loved between my mother and I that she seems to take it in stride!

My mother has concerns about when we move about 7 hours drive time from here what his reaction will be. I did tell him a few weeks ago and he was "sad" but I think he understands that the childrens' quality of life will be much better. Its not like he sees her much to begin with. The last time she spent the night with him was New Years Eve. He legally can see her every other weekend......for the duration of her life, he has not!

I received Child Support for my son

This is the first money I have seen since Oct 22nd when my stbx-husband was arrested for being under the influence and jumping into people's backyard.

I received 2 direct deposits for $97 each! This is as a result of his unemployment.

Which is amazing isn't it. He can go get loaded, lose his job, go to jail for months, get out and collect unemployment! Our system is severely flawed!!!

Guess who called again and who wants to borrow money?

Yep :lol

Just wanted to take note!

Oh, and get this.....(my daughter's) dad needs money so he won't loose his vehicle.

Both are pathetic and I don't even want to talk about it.

On a more positive note, tomorrow is a slumber party, then the big city on Saturday and Sunday, our day or rest!

Unemployment / Surgery

My stbx called again today to "update" me on his status.....assuming I really needed to be updated. He's filed for and going to be receiving unemployment to which I will get, I figure about $75 every two weeks. He said he would like to do more....but I don't care....I don't need it and don't want it so if it never comes, you won't hear me cry about it.

While I would like to see him held accountable financially, I have come a long way in the last two years and I have come to rely on myself to provide for my family financially. Am I perfect, no....but I don't live expecting something that may possibly never ever come.

Then he let me know that he went to the family doctor (well, my doctor) and he was referred to some surgeon or something. Sounded like he had an MRI today and that around March 1st, he was going to some specialist.

I guess his brother has a roommate who had the same shrinking arm/chest thing (I wish I had the shrinking ass syndrome to be honest) and she was fixed by some cadiver bone and felt better instantly. wee her!!

He says "People die having surgeries, so tell (our son) if I die, I died clean!"

Maybe it was rude of me, but what-the-fuck-ever (laughing hysterically!)

He asked when he could talk to (our son) and I told him I didn't know.....there was a long silence...................................not even that long...this long ................................................... ......................................................................... deafening!

I didn't know what to say and I don't know what to tell him or "what he wants from me"! That's the honest to god's truth. I don't want to be mean but he's really left me no choice. I asked him in a letter to get out and take care of himself and call when he had 6 months out of the transitional housing. Where he was paying his own rent, living as a normal person out of custody and out from under restraints and restrictions. He can't do it. He calls me every few days with the littlest of excuses.

I still love him. I will always love him. And it tears at my very soul to have to put up this huge wall and be a cold fucking bitch to him. I know what they mean by a double edged sword. It's literally damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I conceeded long ago that our relationship is over. I'm just trying to get through every day and on to the next. I am happy that I do not live in the kind of chaos he brought to me emotionally when I was trying to be with him physically. Now my job is to protect my son from that emotional turmoil and its hard when he won't just GO AWAY!!!!

Baby On Board

Chicago Tribune | Baby on board but not in car seat: "Baby on board but not in car seat"

This is really kind of sad. 30 years ago every child in America wasn't strapped into a carseat and our parents weren't investigated by CPS. I was 16 or 18 when the seat belt law went into effect. Prior to that, it was your decision.

I think we police too much in some cases and not enough in others (Nixmary Brown's case!)