Unemployment / Surgery

My stbx called again today to "update" me on his status.....assuming I really needed to be updated. He's filed for and going to be receiving unemployment to which I will get, I figure about $75 every two weeks. He said he would like to do more....but I don't care....I don't need it and don't want it so if it never comes, you won't hear me cry about it.

While I would like to see him held accountable financially, I have come a long way in the last two years and I have come to rely on myself to provide for my family financially. Am I perfect, no....but I don't live expecting something that may possibly never ever come.

Then he let me know that he went to the family doctor (well, my doctor) and he was referred to some surgeon or something. Sounded like he had an MRI today and that around March 1st, he was going to some specialist.

I guess his brother has a roommate who had the same shrinking arm/chest thing (I wish I had the shrinking ass syndrome to be honest) and she was fixed by some cadiver bone and felt better instantly. wee her!!

He says "People die having surgeries, so tell (our son) if I die, I died clean!"

Maybe it was rude of me, but what-the-fuck-ever (laughing hysterically!)

He asked when he could talk to (our son) and I told him I didn't know.....there was a long silence...................................not even that long...this long ................................................... ......................................................................... deafening!

I didn't know what to say and I don't know what to tell him or "what he wants from me"! That's the honest to god's truth. I don't want to be mean but he's really left me no choice. I asked him in a letter to get out and take care of himself and call when he had 6 months out of the transitional housing. Where he was paying his own rent, living as a normal person out of custody and out from under restraints and restrictions. He can't do it. He calls me every few days with the littlest of excuses.

I still love him. I will always love him. And it tears at my very soul to have to put up this huge wall and be a cold fucking bitch to him. I know what they mean by a double edged sword. It's literally damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I conceeded long ago that our relationship is over. I'm just trying to get through every day and on to the next. I am happy that I do not live in the kind of chaos he brought to me emotionally when I was trying to be with him physically. Now my job is to protect my son from that emotional turmoil and its hard when he won't just GO AWAY!!!!