Revised Letter

I'm still really fucking pissed about this. So much that this is all I have done today. I have sat here, copied papers, adjusted a few figures and drafted this letter. I have a fucking headache. I cancelled plans for tonight. I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. He's fucking Nickle and Diming me and I'm sick of it! I fucking can't stand him. I don't know why I was even half fucking nice to him? I get absolutely nothing back. He is just a taker....he takes and gives nothing in return but fucking greif and bullshit. "Here's a rose for you" is my attitude and his is "Here's some shit!" What's sad, is he isn't even aware fo how his actions affect other people or the perception that he has given off!

Part of me feels like people will think I'm greedy but I'm not fucking Greedy. This man has stolen money from my bank account, left me with an infant, walked out at midnight and didn't come home for 2 days, we spent the first 6 months of our marriage screaming at eachtother because he was never home. He got arrested and I had to take a hit on my credit for his truck, not counting the court, threats, money I paid, bankruptcy...

I could literally go on and on and on and on! I'm done...i'm FUCKING DONE

Anyways, the letter I'm sending to Child Support is:

I am responding to your notice of a child support review that was requested by (EX). He is the non-custodial parent in this case.

I have filled out the attached information to the best of my ability and attached the documentation necessary to allow for a thorough review of my current financial situation. Please be aware that I do not have copies of my current pay stubs but I do have very accurate records of my income. This information can be verified through my employer’s Payroll Department at 888.XXX-XXXX

I have some questions and would like these to be considered during the review:

1. I have supplied you with the last 12 months of income which includes a $XXX base pay annually and commissions. There was a change in our compensation plan in January and then again in April 2006 which will affect my income and I would like your offices to consider this change when looking at my income moving forward. Additionally, the information I supplied to you on this sheet which details in income and commission, quota and rate of pay is strictly confidential and so please, do not share this with the other party.

2. (EX) is on a TEMPORARY Medical Disability and he has indicated to me that he will be out of work possibly one to two more months. By the time this order goes into effect, he quite possibly will have returned to work.

3. If a modification is granted, I plan on petitioning the courts for a review once his income returns to normal. If this happens, is there any consideration for the time that it takes to do the review? Basically, I’m asking if he were to return to work, would his support return to the current order or will we have to go through this process again?? Is this modification temporary like his disability or is this going to be casted in stone till I request a modification.

4. I am very upset that this modification is being requested after the order went into effect in August, 2005. From October to February when he was incarcerated due to his own volition and constant irresponsibility, my son went unsupported during that time. Not only unsupported, but the (Department) removed any obligation to him to provide reimbursement to me during this time. He was not responsible for even one dime and this puts the financial burden to me solely at raising our son. I don’t understand why a parent isn’t held to their financial obligations to their children and why reimbursement thru payment of arrears is abolished.

This makes me seriously question why I even have a support order to begin with!!!! I went to your office to help me in collecting and holding him accountable in the financial support of his son. More often than not he is in jail and if that is the case, no arrears will ever surmount. If (EX) were to win the lottery or come into money, there is no retribution back to my son for all the months he goes without support. While I understand this to be the law, I wanted to express the unfairness of the law from the point of view of the Child and the Custodial Parent. I know there is nothing you can do regarding this but I did need to vent my frustration that I have to go thru this process again for a temporary disability!!!!

5. I also hope that this can be resolved without going to court. Going to court costs me time and money. I also want a confirmation from your office that if a reduction in support is granted due to his temporary medical disability, that when he returns to full work, I can request another review and have support modified to include his regular income.

6. Lastly, I want it noted that on April 18, 2006, (EX) and I appeared in Family Court to finalize our divorce and the judge in the case asked him point blank “Are you satisfied with the current child support orders” and he answered YES! The orders were stamped April 18, 2006 (I have included a copy for record) that states the Child Support Orders are to remain in effect! What changed in the last week??

If you have any questions on this information, please feel free to call me at anytime at XXX-XXX-XXXX. Thank you for your consideration in this matter.


(ME)

He's asking for a revision in support!

I'm so pissed I could fucking scream. My Ex is asking for a child support modification because he's hurt and he can't pay his support and he's going to get behind in support!

I'm fumming.

I'll tell you why.

My son is 4 1/2 years old and he saw his dad for 10 hours last year.

Yep, that's right, TEN HOURS. Why is that you ask? well, that's what was ordered because he can't stay clean and he failed to reunify. That's all he EARNED in the process of going thru Social Services.

So I carry 99.9988584 of the burden. That's number is no joke by the way. I didn't make that shit up! That's the honest to god truth.

I carry the physical burden and now the financial burden. Not even now because its been a lot longer than just NOW. I have always carried the burden.

When he was in jail he didn't have to pay a dime. NOT ONE TIME! So now that he's hurt and on a temporary medical disability, he wants out of his reponsibilites. Why can't he make it up later? Why can't he go into arrears to pay me back for the times I had to carry the entire financial burden? I'm not bitching at him because he can't pay. I figure eventually he will have more money and will pay more money.

But I feel and I figure differently than he does. He things about himself and no one else and any progress in niceness I made with him in the last 2 weeks is out the window.

I filled out the paperwork and I will be mailing it tomorrow. If he's going to nickle and dime me, I'm going to nickle and dime him. I put shit on that piece of paper I would have never ever thought to put on there. Sports, team pictures, school books, registration fees, you name it, I added it. I came up with $900 more in expenses than what I make.

I even wrote a letter. I said:



To whom it may concern:

I am responding to your request for me to submit my Income and Expense Declaration in the aforementioned case for the Child Support of my minor son, (insert name).

I have some things that I want considered during this discovery as to whether the orders will be modified.

(EX), the non-custodial parent, has been ordered to pay me $1069 in child support monthly. These orders went into effect on August 1, 2005. (Ex) paid about 1-2 months of support and then was incarcarated from October 22, 2005 to February, 2006. During that time, his support obligation was set aside and he was not responsible for ONE DIME of support to his son. The responsibility for financial support to my son rested solely on my shoulders with no future possibity of reimbursement. (Ex) was able to go out, be irresponsible and get arrested and then your offices removed his financial responsibility to his son. I understand this to be the law, but I do not agree that an irresponsible parent is not held responsible, if even in part during an incarcaration.

(Ex) is on temporary medical disability for a shoulder injury and he has indicated to me that he will be out of work for about one to two more months. By the time that this case is heard and a decision is made, he will be returning to work. I think his fear is that he will be jailed if he does not pay his support and I would never ever seek to have him imprisoned for failure to pay support.

If the orders are modified and then he returns to work, I will immediately file a request for a new hearing and support modification. (Ex) earns approximately $29 per hour or $60,000 per year as a (insert his profession). That is his income potential. I would like the courts to consider his income as an (insert his profession) and the fact he is on a TEMPORARY MEDICAL DISABILITY when figuring support.

Additionally, hopefully this can be settled without my apppearance being required in court but will appear if required. Please allow ample notice.
Kind regards,

(ME)

---

Still fucking pisses me off that some low life dad gets off while mom gets fucked, AGAIN.

I swear, if I never see him again, it will be too soon!

DD's dad comes to Softball

Not much to post, just wanted to document that DD's dad showed up for about half of her game!

Divorce Final!

I thought I'd never every say this but, our divorce is final.

I am FREE!!!

I feel so relieved and free.

The situation is that I filed for divorce in late 2002 almost 2 years after we married and had every intentions of finishing this sooner. But then he filed something and what tried to file in response to it wouldn't be accepted by the court. So some time went by. Then when I went to ask about it, I was quoted anywhere from $800 to $1500. Sure, its not alot, but it was more than I had.

Then 2 months ago he went to the court clinic, they worked with him on what needed to be completed. A hearing was put on record and today, the judge said the dissolution was final as of today's date.

I walked away from there H I G H! HIGHER than I've ever been on any drug I've ever taken. I felt amazing. Even people at work noticed. I even saw a man looking at me as I drove around singing at the top of my lungs. I felt genearlly happy!

Ahhh......

Then he called to ask me how I felt. I don't think its his business how I feel...so I told him I didn't feel different. Apparently, he felt bad and had a bit of a difficult day. He admitted that he wished things would have turned out later. I reminded him that this was his choice. While I initiated the divorce, his actions proved that he didn't want the responsibility of a wife and kids. He got quiet and then I just excused myself from the phone. I told him its okay....this is for the best.

So my divorce marks the 100 year anniversary of the 1906 SF Earthquake. How cool is that!!!

DS saw dad yesterday

I let DS see his dad yesterday at a local inside kids park. STBX spent most of the time talking with me. I was cordial, but not overly friendly or affectionate (warm) either! I was a bit put back that his 2 hours was spent with me and not my son. I mean, come on, its been how long since they've seen eachother.

He asked to see him today but he gets two 2 hours visits a month, and that's what he's going to get for the bulk of the remainder of the year. I have to know that he's done with his shananigans and I'm just not convinced.

He asked if he could take him to church..NO WAY!

My son was happy to see his dad and has shown no ill effects afterwards of acting out, wetting the bed, or crying for his dad!

Comment on the Brittney Article

I wanted to make a comment that has stuck with me since my DD was born. Her doctor said to me once as I waited for over an hour for an appointment. Apparently, she was being interviewed by CPS. She came in and told me........

"Don't ever take your child to the emergency room unless they are going to die! Call me first because most incidents of injury will be reported to CPS!"

Britney is visited again by CPS

icSurreyOnline - Britney's Baby in cracked skull emergency


By Helen Forster

Britney Spears and husband Kevin Federline are being investigated after their baby son suffered a fractured skull and blood clot in a high-chair fall.

The new mother-of-one, whose pop career had slowly declined since her split with super-star Justin Timberlake, rushed her son to hospital after he fell from his highchair in their kitchen, the Sun reported.
The tiny tot - Sean Preston - just seven months old is said to have been in the care of a nanny when he hit the floor hard in the shock fall.

After being given the all clear by a GP immediately after the accident, the singer, 24, began to notice that Sean was lethargic and sleeping more than usual. Although it had been six days since his fall on April 1, mothers intuition made the worried former pop-princess rush her son to a near-by Malibu hospital where doctors recorded a fractured skull and showed concern over a blood clot.

Following the incident, officers questioned Britney in a routine call after medics filed a complaint. The police-escorted couple are also being investigated by the Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services.

Britney is reported to be furious with her Nanny, who is said to have been in full charge of her beloved boy while the couple were out.

But after numerous recent incidents of bad parenting reported in the national press - the latest of which saw Britney driving with Sean on her lap - things don't look great for blubbing Brits and pot-smoking hubby Kevin."

Got nice!!!

I let DS call STBX the other night....they talked for a few minutes the I hung up!

I then called today asking about health insurance. I would have purchased it if he didn't tell me that because he is on disability, his insurance is extended.

So as it stands, insurance expires June 30th...phew! Saves me about $500!

Two great websites to help with squalor

Squalor was one of the things that lead to my children's removal. I believe it was the first and foremost reason...the possession of inhalents was the "icing on the cake" so to speak.

I found this site today Squalor Survivors and it looks like a great place for support.

Then there is The Fly Lady. I used the Fly Lady technique when I was getting my house together for my social worker to visit.

I still battle having a clean house though it is 100 times cleaner than it was 2 years ago..... I am out of the house so much and tired when I get home. After visiting Ikea last week and buying some things for the kids room, I have decided to again, declutter, put stuff in storage, throw stuff out, and make room for a completely new house!!!!

I'm really excited about my new motivation!

DS can't remember his dad

This broke my heart lastnight.

My son has started asking me to call him (his dad's name) as a nickname. I told him I wouldn't do that but I'd call him another nick name, Jack. He said he doesn't want to be Jack, he wants to be (his dad's name).

Then my son turned to me and said, "Mom, I don't remember my dad!"

Sadly, I said "What do you mean you don't remember him.....?"

Quietly he replied "I know what he looks like because I have a picture of him, but I don't remember him mom!"

I didn't know what to say. I don't know that anything needed to be said. I got incredible sad and held my son and I cried. I cried out and screamed in my head about how this fucking son of a bitch has done this to our son. What kind of person does this to their child?

People look at me and ask the same questions for all the shit I did and how I ended up in the system but I've been there for my kids. I have been there with every cold, nearly every doctors apppointment. I stayed home with them when they weren't feeling well and when I lost them, I fought for them. I fucking FOUGHT FOR THEM! Not the system. I didn't fight them. I surrendered to the system. I fought myself...my inner demons...my desires and I just did it. I did what I had to do in order to be my kids' mom again.

My kids are awesome. OMG, I love them so much. I could not imagine having a child I didn't know or couldn't see. I'm far from a perfect mom and somedays I don't even feel like I'm a good mom. But my kids know one thing...they are loved. I may be late on bills from time to time, short on cash, low on non-essential foods, skimming coins to buy gas, and my house may get messy but I always pick myself up, do my chores, clean my house, get to the next paycheck, splurge on them when I have a few extra dollars and I hug them. I love them and I show them affection.

I'm really sad for my ex. I really am. He has missed out on so much. My son too has. His dad wasn't a bad dad when he was there and available. There were many sweet moments that I can share with my son about how much his dad loved him. I will be able to tell him how when his dad was around, they took baths together. In the summer, we put up a pool in the backyard and they would play in the water out back. I call tell him about the time we all went to the drive in movies and smashed ourselves in the back of the ford station wagon. I can tell him these things.

What I have a hard time telling him is the truth....Dad's a drug addict and sometimes dope is more important than you. I don't know that its more important. I don't think its that easy, but it is. That's what's so sad about addicts who can't put their kids first. I've been that addict on a few days. Today I'm not. I'm able to be there for my son and wipe his tears when he feels bad. I feel good about that. I can't cave in and call my ex and tell him how my son feels even though that's exactly what I want to do. He hasn't earned the right to know these things. Till then, I will continue to speak nicely about his father and I will encourage him to have memories as he brings him up to me.

Yesterday was two years!

I didn't even realize it till this morning when I saw 4x4 on the clock because it was 4x4x4 that I woke up with the full realization of what a fucking idiot I was.

I will elaborate more on this day, two years later....later!