Update

DD’s dad called yesterday to tell me what’s up. He goes to court Oct 4^th for one charge and may have another pending but isn’t sure.  Said he doesn’t want to fight….Who’s Fighting?  Asked if she go attend the amusement park with a friend and her child and I said no.  He didn’t really bitch too much because he has no leg to stand on and he knows I’m right.  I don’t want to be right. I just want my kids to each have their dad.  I still don’t get how you can just go 10 weeks with ZERO contact?

As for the other, DS’ dad’s garnishment went thru so I should start seeing payment from him at the end of the month at the tune of about $260 a week.

 

That’s the latest as of this minute!

 

 

Conversation my mom had with DD

From Monday Sept 11th

 

These are my mom’s words:::::::

 

(Daughter) told me her Dad called and that she asked him if she could spend the night with him and he said he was going to call her to set it up or something on the same drift.  I asked her how she was going to feel if he didn't call and she said "UNWANTED".  So we had a discussion about Dads and I asked her did she feel unwanted that (paternal grandma) doesn't call or that you see her and she wrinkled up her nose and said "NO". 

 

We talked about it as his loss and then she told me he said he had been a bad boy and I asked her what that meant?  She didn't really know.  She talked about (my son) seeing his Dad more than she has seen hers and I told her not all Dad's are the same.

 

Sounds like your going to have to be giving her the talk if (her dad) does call and want her for the night.  I told her what if Mom won't let you spend the night since she doesn't know where he lives and she said then she would spend the day.  I said I would go with her and she said that was fine.

 

She heard the amount $6,000.00 and wants to know what that meant?  Told her I didn't know.  LOL  She wants to know if he still has his truck?  I said if he isn't working how do you think he is spending money on keeping his truck?  She said well he has $6,000 and he should pay his bills first?  She said to ask Mom if she knows if he has his truck?   Kid is so smart it is scary but she is fine

 

Convo with Mom

my mother’s convo with DD’s Dad:

 

 

 

I told him her phone was taken away as we don't want to start putting her in the middle and him saying things like that as she could start blaming YOU for not letting her go with him.  I told him I was in complete agreement and that (granddaughter) should be having her calls monitored as she doesn't always understand WHY YOU do what you do.

 

I told him the story about not wanting to talk about her Dad with anyone at school.  How everyone has a Dad that goes to work, calls and since you do either she oviously isn't very proud of you.  Told him that she doesn't like the way you treat your Grandfather that she thinks your mean and doesn't understand that.  I told him unless he started changing he was going to lose her, just like you have lost your Mom and DAD.  I told him she will eventually start looking at you as a burden and an embarrasement.  He listened and got really quiet. 

we were right, not that it takes a rocket scientist to be right on some ocassions!

My mother called DD’s dad and got the full story.

 

In essence, he denies use for longer than about 6 weeks.  Though we know he was using the last time DD saw him at lunch (end of June) and he had indicated he had lost about 15 pounds.

 

He indicated he was arrested and to 1.75grams a day meth use.  A 1/16^th.  $40 a day and that his settlement was $4000 not $8000 and I got half, not 25%.  He was arrested and spent 5 days in jail because his grandpa wouldn’t admit to him living there…neither would the mother. He was released on Prop 36.  Apparently his car was impounded and the guy he was with had burglary tools and was part of a steak-out.

 

All sounds weird and like I really don’t need to know more.

 

My mother told him not to call his daughter…..or call regularly but don’t call stiring up shit or putting me out as the bad guy.

 

None of this changes my position on my need to seek legal custody and supervised visitation.  I’m not messing around. Not after all I went through and my journey to the top!  

Called at Work

DD’s dad called me at work today.  He was angered and the conversation went like this….

 

“Oh, so I got an $8,000 Settlement Huh?”

I said “I’m at work, don’t call me here! I have nothing to discuss with you!”

“Well, if I have a settlement, then you got some so I guess I am caught up on my child support huh!”

“As I said, I’m at work and really don’t have time to discuss this with you and if you call me again, I’ll change my number too!”

Then I hung up and he called again so I answered the phone and then I hung up again! He’s not called back.

First order of business - Get his criminal record and file papers.

 

A voicemail he left

This is on DD's phone....

"Hi Honey, its your dad. I'm just calling to let you know that your mom's not going to let you come over. I'm sorry, I apologize, but what can I do? I love you very much. I'll talk to you later. Bye"

(seething)

I called to tell him not to call her anymore only the line is busy!

I called the phone company and we changed her phone #

Talked to DD's Dad

He doesn't get it. He thinks its about HIM! Its not about him, its about HER.

He wants to see her. Tell me, am I just suppose to hand her over after 7 weeks of no communication? Am I suppose to hand her over after he says to her "I've been a bad boy"? Am I suppose to hand her over to someone that I don't know anything about? The phone he uses he doesn't even say "hello" on because "he took it" but yet its not stolen? What the fuck does that mean?

No, she's not going with you. I would be an irresponsible parent to do that. I said "you didn't call for 7 weeks. You never called to see how she was doing after he staples were removed. You never called to ask about her summer, her vacations. Nothing. She could be dead and you wouldn't even know. So no, she's not going with you because I know nothing about you."

He says he's clean. I don't know that!

I don't know anything....no, she's not going.

So he gets defensive then hangs up.

So be it. GOODBYE!

He Called - DD's dad that is.....

Here are the messages first and then my opinion later:

Message 1: 12:47pm (urgent) Hey, its your dad, I'm at grandpa's. I love you and I miss you. Sorry for not talking to you for awhile. (half somber)

Message 2: 1:24pm Hello! Its your dad again. Talk to you later, I guess...I hope so. I love you. (somber)

Message 3: 4:31pm (outside noise, like a kid in the background!) Hey, its your dad! Talk to you later (his normal self.

Message 1 and 2 came in from his grandfather's home phone #. Message #3 was from a phone number that I called about 10 times. I called from my cell phone # with *67 dialed first and there was no answer. I waited a while then called from DD's line. I must have called 3 times and on the 4th time, someone answered. I said Hello....Hellllllooooooo but the line was silenced. I could hear someone on the other end but they didn't say anything. I called again...same thing. Then her phone rang and it was him. He didn't want to discuss much. Vauge as always. Kind of defensive....I'm sure I was combative.

I asked "what's going on!"
H said "what do you mean?"
I repeated "what's going on?"
He said "nothing"
I said "that's not what I mean, what is going on and why are you calling after all these months?"
He said "to talk to my daughter!"
I said "why now? what is going on?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it...I just called to talk to my daughter...is that a problem?
I said "yes, it is. You don't call for months and you expect me to just hand her the phone. I want to know what is going on before you talk to her. Where have you been and why haven't you called her in months?"
He said "I can't tell you now, I will tell you later when I have time to talk."
I asked "who's phone is this?"
He said "I took it."
I replied "What do you mean you took it?"
He said "I took it!"
Then I just said "well when you have time to tell me what's going on with you, you know where to reach me!"
He lost my # so I gave it to him again.
We hung up.

DD became hysterical because I didn't let her talk to him. I tried to explain to her why I didn't let her talk to him. She started to blame me so against my better judgement, I let her call. She sat on my lap and the conversation went like this....

phone rings and he answers........silence......
"Hello, Dad????"
"Hi baby!" he says
"How are you?" she asks.
He says "I'm okay, how is school"

small talk, they talk about not alot. Then she says "Where have you been?"
He replies, "I've been a bad boy!"
She said "Oh, are you okay?"
He says "yes"
Then she asks "How's work"
and he replies "I'm not working" LONG SILENCE
She told him she wants to see him and he said "not tomorrow, its a school day."
She said "how about next weekend" ANOTHER VERY LONG SILENCE
"Sure baby," he chokes up, "we can arrange something."

CRAP I tell you. I forgot to add this. Between getting his message and calling this stolen number, we called his grandpa. Grandpa didn't know about a settlement or where he was at. He indicated Abe and Chris but that was it. I know them. They are clean and sober so if he's with them, he must be trying to get clean. It was hard to discern but grandpa said he was in jail and hadn't seen him for "months!" I don't know if that means he was incarcerated for "months"? Grandpa said he saw him last week and then again today so maybe he was incarcerated this last week? I don't know but I'm going to find out because I'm going to be filing papers on him and I want everything to be complete.

I have two words, FUCK HIM!

I'm so fucking sick of this shit. I have laid out my life here in all honesty, I was fucked up. I use to sit there and huff and huff and huff and not one fucking day went by where I wasn't with my kids. The only time I didn't talk to them was when I was ordered not to. I cannot even phathom not talking to them for TEN WEEKS and not seeing them for even longer. I just can't phathom it. It's disgraceful!

Invited DS' Dad to a game of soccer

My son hasn't seen his dad since I handed him a note on Father's day saying that was the last supervised visit I'd do. We have gone to court and paid the fees and are awaiting a day/time for which they can resume visits. He's started paying child support out of his own paycheck and DS started soccer so I told him he could come watch a game today. I chose today because I knew no one in the family would be there and I didn't want my family to be uncomfortable in his presence.

I hope it all goes well and that he truly does show up!

Drawing up more papers!

I am drawing up more papers to have visitation removed from my daugther's dad and to ask for sole legal custody. This came up because of passport requirements for my mother to take her on a trip to mexico in the spring.

He has not had any contact since 7/5/06. He has not called to ask about anything. Not her new school. Not any of her vacations. Not even to check on her head wound. My daughter won't talk to other kids in school who have asked why her dad's name isn't listed on the Roster and she has expressed hatred. The last thing about him she said to me was "Its as if I don't have a dad mom!"