Two Years Since Returning Home

Two Years ago, Social Services returned my children to my care. They were no longer living out of the home and it was a glorious feeling to be one step closer to the case closing! Sadly, of the three parents brought before the court, I'm the only one that has increased my income by $35,000, I'm the only one that hasn't committed other crimes, and I'm the only one who's a constant in the kids' life.

It saddens me that DD's dad is in jail right now and DS' dad could be as early as Wednesday. Our life would be so much richer and fuller if they were responsibly in it. But they aren't. And its okay!

In the last year, I've met a wonderful man, done well at work, been able to continue doing really fun things with the kids including buying a raft to float around the local reserviours in the summer. We've gone to see the local attractions, done alot more movies, inside and outside at the drive in's. DD's going to a better school and DS' will start Kindergarten this year.

I say this alot and its true, Life Is Good!

Sadness

I saw DS' dad today to get $300 in child support. It will be a few months before I get anything else. I felt kind of bad taking it but I need it. He looked sad. I left sad and I've been sad ever since. I keep crying. I hugged my son for 10 solid minutes tonight. I tried to tell him everything would be okay and that his dad loves him. He doesn't understand. He's only five. He doesn't understand what it means to be an addict. He asked me why I was crying. I told him love makes me cry sometimes. I love his father. I always will. Our relationship is over. I don't pine for him the way I use to. But I love him. He gave me the greatest gift of all. My son. And he's missing out on it and that makes me incredibly sad....sad for him and sad for my son.

DD's dad out in a week and DS' Dad Relapses

DD's dad called about 1500 times on her birthday and finally, they were around to accept the call. They talked for a bit. It's the first time she was open to talking to him and she wants to see him. He is suppose to get out on the 28th of Feb. It will be interesting to see how long it takes him to call.

As for DS' dad, he told me yesterday he relapsed. I guess his brother got loaded and passed out in a gas station parking lot. The cops came and beat the crap out of him. He cited that as a reason and that his mom fell and hurt herself really badly. I don't want to get into all I told him but it involved the $300 I let him slide on and how I feel taken advantage of - trying to be nice and now I'm not going to see support for awhile to come. About how he's no good to his ailing mother because she will be in the ground before anyone can reach him because he's on a run and how's that going to feel? And then the most important - not knowing his son to the conversation I forsee having with our son about his dad being dead!

I have no course of action I need to take....I have what I need legally! There is nothing I need to do!

So his plan is to go to a residential program. Again, A G A I N the probation officer is going to recommend more treatment - he goes to court wednesday. Part of me wants the judge to just throw him away before he kills himself or someone else! If the latter ever happens, I vow to divulge all I know about my ex and how the system keeps letting him out so they can win a substantial settlement. Its not fair to society to keep letting someone like him break probation and continue to repeat the same patterns.