The difference three years makes

Today, is the three year anniversary of the date my children were rescued from me and taht date that marks the end of the the way my life once was.

I'm by no means perfect, but I'm trying.

3 years ago, I was living in a deep and very dark depression that was rot with addiction, a messy home and pure, unadulterated misery. I wanted to die. But I didn't have the courage or the will to actually put my feelings and thoughts into actions. In January of 2004, I reached out for help and I was met with unpleasing comments from my family and rather than "prove them wrong" I let their comments hinder my recovery and on the evening of April 3, 2004 at just after 6pm, I got a knock at the door and my life was transformed.

I'm actually quite shocked how much I still post to this blog. I thought once the case closed, this blog would just kind of disappear but its been a great place for me to come and share the daily going's as it relates to my children.

When I created the blog title, Surviving CPS, I wanted to believe I could Survive the system. And I have. I really have. My life today tells me that I am definately a survivor.

Today, I make over $35k more a year and this year I may hit 6 figures. I'm one of the top revenue producers in my company for the level of accounts that I service. I met and fell lin love with one of the sweetest men on the planet and he loves me and my children. My relationship with my mom has never been better. I can tell her nearly anything and the tension isn't a daily tension - but something that we experience from time to time. I'm comfortable being home and during the time I was single, I wasn't out seeking physical love from a man. I've been able to stop relying on other people and I look to myself and my immediate family for things. I no longer try to fix things for other people. I listen, I give advice if asked, and then I let it go.

I am far from perfect. I'd like to be 100% clean and sober but I'm not. I've been drinking, not alot, but drinking nonetheless. I am not, however, living in an active addiction and I do not use my drug(s) of choice. I want to be a better, more patient mom and a better house keeper but things are orderly.

I'm just really at peace with things. I struggle with the kids' dad's but that may never change. This experience that started 3 years ago was MY EXPERIENCE...no one elses. I can't expect them to learn what I learned from this. I own this. And I'm proud today. So very very proud.