Mediation Update

He arrived 10 minutes late and I was 20 minutes early. Typical.

We went into the office of the supervisor and there was another Mediator in training. Both were nice ladies. I went first - asking about the history as I saw it. I just told them that "he never exercises the freely given visitation and he sees our daughter less than 5 overnights a year. Its my experience that he only shows interest in our daughter when he's in a relationship. The relationship he is in has a on again/off again history and I don't believe it is stable. I have had to lie to my daughter to cover questions like "how come my dad never wants to see me" telling her he is at work. I no longer do this because she's old enough to know the gentle truth and I don't want to lie to her anymore."

Then it was his turn - he believes that the reason he doesn't see his daughter is because my mom travels with her alot. He says "she's even gone this week!" Which is true. He didn't have much more to say than that - basically, its my fault he doesn't see her more. He said he calls and she's always busy.

I then spoke again that "my mom does see my daughter alot - it is a bonded relationship and my mother has cared for my daughter in the summer for 5 years. She takes her on vacation, things I cannot afford to do. They go on camping trips, hawaii and these vacations are planned well in advance and I've always been open to ensuring he gets his visitation - the problem is he never calls!"

Then came the question - "what do you want" and she started with him. He asked for 2 days a week and a month in the summer. I had to restrain myself from chocking and laughing and then she turned to me and said "can you agree to that" and I flat-out said "No! He already has liberal visitation and could have exercised every other weekend but he never does. I don't feel that his relationship is stable and I have concerns that if they were to fight, he'd have to move" ......then I turned to him and asked him "Are you even on the lease?" To which he said he is not! Then I went on about the sleeping arrangements, wanted to ensure she had a proper place but moreover, before I farm her out to him again, I want to be sure he will be consistent because he never has been.

All totally reasonable.

It basically went okay - I told her that I will not agree to overnight visits. I would agree to every other weekend - one day from 9am to 9pm and 1 day a week for a dinner date - 6pm to 9pm and if he can maintain consistency for a period of time, I would then be willing to have her stay overnight.

Most of his visitation is around his girlfriend and the mediator clearly saw that. I told her that I don't care if the girlfriend is there or not - regardless, he needs to be consistent and not around his girlfriends schedule. He doesn't have a car and I told him that we have a bus stop that stops right outside my apartment complex and he could do that - I'd even be willing to pick her up if its dark so she doesnt' have to ride on a bus. He needs to "go to any lengths" and be consistent.

We discussed visitation this weekend and my daughter gets back on Saturday and Sunday was an option. I told him he could have her sunday but she has a birthday party she wants to go to and the mediator turned and said "You can have her, but these are important events the children should be allowed to attend" He said he'd try to figure it out - then she asked who would buy the gift. I had to hold back laughter and I said "I dont' expect him to buy gifts - he isn't even paying the full amount of child support so I will buy the gift!"

Because I didn't have the summer schedule, we were called back to mediation on Monday to iron out the remainder of the schedule. She also put in a clause that if he doesn't confirm the visit for saturday by 8pm on Thursday, it cancels so this is hopefully a provision we can put on the order. Its really what I need....

anyways, that's the update!